I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
