it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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