I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Drake has all the answers
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
