I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
