He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
