Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
