idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
