Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
