You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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