That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The air was thick with penises
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
