is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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