I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
