Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
