Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
