I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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