Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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