I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
