I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
