we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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