i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
