I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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