I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
