my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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