Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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