Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
vagina is talking i cant
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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