Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
