im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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