So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
