Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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