You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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