Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
