Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
