it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
