he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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