I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
