Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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