The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
