My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
