I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
