My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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