dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
