Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
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Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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