Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
