i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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