Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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