I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
