did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
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We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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