It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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