the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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