I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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