If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I need a beard to bite.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
