We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
