Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
