Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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