She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
