At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
