you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
