you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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