How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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