Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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