from now on my penis is your penis
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it's like iHOP with fire
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
