Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm like, not good at living.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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