i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
