So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
