There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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