i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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