After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
