Tell her she can't have a vagina
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
