Your face is a jimmy john
I met the friendliest cop last night
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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