guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Randomize
