my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
