i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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